being by myself: the part of me i never thought i had.

"i ate alone. no man. no book. no armor. just me"

After just finishing an episode of Sex in the City, I feel pensive. Just me. Just me. I have been realizing actually how comfortable I have become with this over the last few months. I guess I never have been really afraid to do things on my own. To have adventures, to see new things. While it seems that I have met so many people over the last few months, the times that have seemingly been among the most meaningful, are those that have been spent by myself. Its like I have more time to savour. To redefine myself once again.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a loner nor do I intend to become one. I think that I actually do have a healthy balance between time with friends, and time spent on my own. I guess being here has just caused me to reflect on how my time is spent. How am I using this time?

Being in Osaka, one of the biggest cities in the world, it can be incredibly isolating at times. I have learned that being alone or by ones self, is all about how you define it. How you think about it. I am by myself. But, I don't think I'm alone. I now embrace the chances I have to explore. To be free. To roam. To get lost and not feel weird about it. And, to actually look forward to getting lost.

Maybe, this is one of our most profound fears as humans - the fear of getting lost, and being alone. Why are we so afraid of this? Why am I so afraid of this sometimes? In Japan, I'm learning that actually the worst that could happen is that I would cover more territory and wake up on a train somewhere an discover someone is sleeping on my shoulder.

Being by yourself is actually a really cool thing if you think about it. I used to feel so self conscious about this at home in Edmonton. But, here, I want to seize these moments. Why worry about being by yourself? Try it once in a while. Purposefully. You may discover something about yourself that you never knew was there before.