"walk towards me. slip your hand in mine"

Today, I felt unusually happy. A strange sort of happy. The sun was shining. The air, warm. I got out of bed, made myself a cup of coffee, nothing really out of the ordinary. Two of my teacher friends stopped by the aparment, we had a visit. Knowing that I had to work overtime today, it didn't seem to bother me. My messy room somehow seemed to not pre-occupy my thoughts, like it normally does. The thoughts and feelings that usually creep in with the winter...are now absent. You can smell the freshness in the air.

Hello self. I've missed you.

Tonight as I was swimming laps at the pool after work, I was reminded that to this day, I still have very little knowledge of the social rules of this country. And somewhere inbetween this lack of knowledge, something has emerged. I have drawn no coherant conclusions about how people dress here, how they behave, nor have I found my lost change in the vending machine down the street, but I feel like I have found something more important...can I tell you what it is?

Can I?

A strange sort of companionship.

A Someone is saying to me, whispering to me, slip your hand in mine. I will take you. But wait, lets rest a while. Here. This is a good spot.
I'm being asked to take my time. To really take my time. Not to delay. But to consider, whatever it is that needs considering.

Since coming back from my visit home, I feel like I have entered a new season here. I'm ready to take on new things. To learn to things. I never thought that I would come to a point where I am ready to embrace whatever this country has for me. I thought before that coming to Japan meant reaching a goal and finishing something. I am not only learning to live in the grey...but I'm learning to embrace it...and to soak my feet in it. I've also learned that I'm actually really peculiar, I like crumbs, and I like sleeping with my feet outside the covers, and I like staying up late, trying to finish something or other.

I'm writing this edition somewhere inbetween today and tommorrow. Perhaps the best time.

So, I feel a strange sort of happy. You know that feeling you get, when you stretch in the morning...I mean...really stretch, and something in you turns on. This is the strange sort of happy I feel. Its the kind that I seemingly haven't allowed myself to feel before. Until now...