so, what does all this mean?

Today, I had a moment to myself, I was just thinking about the last 7 months here. How can I possibly come to terms with it all? Will there ever be a chance for my heart to catch up with my head? This country has made, is making and will continue to have an impression on me. In light of coming home in a few days, I am so excited to be reunited with the people I cherish most. How will it all feel? What will I be thinking? Am I different? Or more the same? Or maybe just better aquainted with myself.
Just as I can't understand the wind, so I can't fathom what this experience is doing for me. I'm sure there are many of you who have had defining experiences in your life. I'm not talking about the epic ones, the big ones, but the experiences that allow us to fall into the lap of the present. The moments that call us out of our past, and the moments where we don't worry about the future. Where we can here our voice, and the sound of our own breathing. And maybe even the breath of something higher than ourselves.
Maybe it sounds so cliche, but all we really do have is the present. I remember reading some truth before that we don't need to worry about what we will wear, or what we will eat...but we must consider the lilies. I have always liked this word consider. There is sort of a mindful presence here. Maybe its taking time to not only consider the lilies, but to consider the power of every moment.
For the longest time, I can remember wanting to do something like this. Living away for a time, in a completely different place. I guess it has been a dream. To do something completely just for me. And no one else. And now that I have stepped into this dream, the present feels very meaningful. Sometimes scary. Sometimes overwhelming. Sometimes wonderful.I never thought I would feel this way. This is wher language seems to be failing me now.
When I come home to visit in a few days, will I see myself differently? Will I see you differently? Or maybe, I will just see more clearly now the rain is gone...