so, what does all this mean?

Today, I had a moment to myself, I was just thinking about the last 7 months here. How can I possibly come to terms with it all? Will there ever be a chance for my heart to catch up with my head? This country has made, is making and will continue to have an impression on me. In light of coming home in a few days, I am so excited to be reunited with the people I cherish most. How will it all feel? What will I be thinking? Am I different? Or more the same? Or maybe just better aquainted with myself.
Just as I can't understand the wind, so I can't fathom what this experience is doing for me. I'm sure there are many of you who have had defining experiences in your life. I'm not talking about the epic ones, the big ones, but the experiences that allow us to fall into the lap of the present. The moments that call us out of our past, and the moments where we don't worry about the future. Where we can here our voice, and the sound of our own breathing. And maybe even the breath of something higher than ourselves.
Maybe it sounds so cliche, but all we really do have is the present. I remember reading some truth before that we don't need to worry about what we will wear, or what we will eat...but we must consider the lilies. I have always liked this word consider. There is sort of a mindful presence here. Maybe its taking time to not only consider the lilies, but to consider the power of every moment.
For the longest time, I can remember wanting to do something like this. Living away for a time, in a completely different place. I guess it has been a dream. To do something completely just for me. And no one else. And now that I have stepped into this dream, the present feels very meaningful. Sometimes scary. Sometimes overwhelming. Sometimes wonderful.I never thought I would feel this way. This is wher language seems to be failing me now.
When I come home to visit in a few days, will I see myself differently? Will I see you differently? Or maybe, I will just see more clearly now the rain is gone...

the 5 senses of home

As I woke up this morning, I thought to myself, hmm...this time next week, I will be waking up in my parents house, in soft, cozy covers. There is something about going home that recharges us, that some how gives us perspective on the world once again. Hold that thought...maybe its actually the soft, cozy covers that give us that perspective. In the midst of packing and attempting to sort through my never ending laundry, I am awaiting the moments where I can crash onto a fluffy bed, be embraced by my dads famous bear hugs, smell and taste my moms food, hear my sister playing piano downstairs, and see my friends faces after 7 months.
These moments have been missed. On any given day, maybe these individual things are not so special. But, I have found that over the last 7 months, its the things that I have taken for granted in the past, that I have missed. The small things. The things that I evidently love about home the most.
Only 4 more days.
I can't wait.
I can't wait.

In desperate anticipation,

Jane.

earthquake.

Today, in Mie prefecture, close to Osaka, there was an earthquake. And Osaka was effected as well. My whole branch was shaking!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It happened around noon. In the midst of conversation, the walls started to shake and our desks as well. Everyone went silent. Now call me lame, but it was only a 3 on the scale, but I got completely frieked out. ITs kinda hard to come to turms with the walls around you shaking. So much so that I had to hold my books on the table. Little did I know at the time, that later my body would completely sieze up. My body aches, I think from adrenaline or something. No damage anywhere...I think. Just trying to come to turms with living in an unstable...literally....country.
I don't know what I'm feeling at the moment. I guess just tired and sore. All I know is...I love the stable ground that is Canada.

"daniel san...show me...sand the floor...."

Current location: couch in my apartment
Currently eating: beef and rice, with tea on the side.
Currently watching: Karate Kid 2.

I made my second attempt to visit my favorite place...the immigration office. It was a rather humid in Osaka today, as I made my way on 3 subway lines. I knew that the office stopped taking people at 4pm, so I was running in between stations. I usually find here that things tend to take longer and usually take more effort then expected. And you usually end up sweating at some point.
The subway was extra crowded today. I almost had to laugh as it pulled up to the station, as everyone inside was squeezed in like sausages. And as the doors opened, the people poured out. My feet sore from my high heels, so I took off my shoes as I sat down on the seat. Got a strange look from a business man.By the time I made it to Tanimachi, a bead of sweat slid down my back.

I was beginning to doubt that I would make it on time, as I attempted to walk in my heels, feet now blistering. (Why do I even wear them? I must admit...I do like the feeling sometimes of walking with my coffee in hand, wearing my blazer and heels and stepping on the train in the mornings on th way to work. I somehow feel...important. I digress)

I remembered I forgot to write down the exit last time...so of course, I took the wrong one. Ended up at Osaka Castle though. Nice place. Looked at my watch. 3:40pm. Dang. I So I made the only logical decision- I took my shoes off, and ran in my bare feet to the office! 3:50. Took the elevator. Put my shoes back on. No time to stop for a toilet break. Quickly handed my passport, filled out a re-entry form in...get this...2 minutes! Sweat now pouring down my forehead. Its now 3:55. I was given a number and told to wait. I made it. I made it. I was sweaty and disgusting...but I made it.
2 hours later, I walked out with my re-entry permit in hand. Feeling proud of myself. Sweating profusively. But proud.

Its really the small victories in life that help sustain us, isn't it.

aching for my visit home...

I just talked to my dad a couple minutes ago...and I just got really excited to come home in a few weeks. So much so, that my heart aches to feel the hugs and see the smiles and tears of the people I love most. These past 7 months, I have missed you all, and I'm so excited to see you again. As I sit here, on my futon, a place I have grown to love, with teary eyes...please know that I wish I could be there beside you right now. I really hope these next two weeks go by quickly. April 23rd still seems so far away.

japanese cherry blossoms: the surprising resurrection

These were taken the last few days at Nijo Castle in Kyoto and Banpaku Park in Osaka. www.dropshots.com/erickson_jane to see more if you like.

Its Easter weekend. Most likely, you are with your families. Eating good food, sharing wine together, worshipping at church and reflecting on life.For me, this is an Easter like no other. Mostly because all the things I typically associate with the holiday are absent. Family. Church. And good food. But, I guess I have learned something new about myself that I would like to share with you.

These last few days, I have been to a few places in Kyoto and Osaka, wanting to participate in the cherry blossom festivities that Japan so dearly loves. Mostly, to take all the pictures that I could. And to see these flowers up close. Little did I know how much these little white flowers would speak to me.

I realized how much coming to Japan this year was actually about sacrifice and letting go. Sacrifice for not only me, but my family as well. Us having the courage to let go of each other for a time. Not really knowing what the outcome would be. Its almost like a grieving takes place. A time of separating from attachments. I remember fall and winter in Osaka, being a time of cold weather and bare trees. I felt like this was kind of the wilderness I was wandering into. By the time all the leaves had fallen...everything around me seemed to be barren. But, this needed to happen in order for new things to take place. I guess God was teaching me, and is teaching me still, that I need to die to myself, in order for new life to emerge. I didn't actually know how much this time would mean an even greater anticipation of things to come.

Part of the beauty of the cherry blossom, is that it is surprisingly beautiful. I think I just said beauty in the same sentance. There are so many clustered together. Some of the places I visit over the last few days, I would turn the corner of Nijo Castle, for example, and see a whole lane of nothing but cherry blossoms above. I walked a larger street in Banpaku Park today, and above me only the decorated branches of the cherry trees. And families and couples stretched out for picnics, drinking sake and partaking in bento boxes. Its as if everyone is together, in a tent of white blossoms, if you will. If you can picture it. Its as if a shelter is created by these flowers. There is life surrounding you - above you, behind you, beside you. Its as if everyone becomes like a child again, standing in awe and playing beneath the trees. I couldn't help but feel in awe of my Creator, like a child. Wanting to look up, and loose myself in the beauty. Or try to collect the falling petals in my hands.

And yet, with so much beauty, there also appears to be mystery as well. A mystery that is hard to articulate. As I strolled these streets decorated with sukura, I felt some sort of renewal take place. I feel like I see easter differently. I feel easter differently. The death and resurection that we think about during this time of year, is so often experienced in our heads. At least, this is how I experienced it for a long time. What if we are meant to see it, to feel it in our hands, to taste it, and to drink it in. For the women who came to the tomb on the third day of Jesus' death, I think they must have been very surprised and didn't know what to do with themselves. A resurrection? Who knew????!!!! For me, I couldn't even fathom the beauty of such a flower. Nor have the feeling of surprise attached with it.

I wish I was a poet at times like these, I don't seem to have the words to quite let you into my heart or my thoughts. All I have are these few awkward thoughts and phrases.

Easter. Maybe, we need to taste, eat, and see it. This is my prayer for each of you as you both grieve Jesus's death, and celebrate the stone being rolled away. I wish you a surprising resurrection season!!

ummm....where did I leave my hair?

This is potentially the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. There are so many hair pieces in Japan...and so little adhesive to hold them secure. Seriously, everyone has them here. I even see men on the subway adjusting them once in a while. A friend of a friend took this picture. They are brilliant.

I love Japan. And moments such as these. A classic one.

Laughing my head off,

Jane.