"lying in my bed...I hear the clock ticking... and think of you"

to mom, dad, and julie...


As I sit to write this entry, I have butterflies. I can't wait to see you in 2 days. I can't believe it! The time has flown (no pun intended). I was getting the students to tell me interesting facts about Osaka the other day, in order to properly introduce you to this city. Here's what they came up with:

-The Kansai Airport is the worlds only floating airport, and aparently every year, it is gradually sinking. Ummm...maybe something you didn't want to know.

-The Yodogawa River is the river that runs through Osaka, and is the prominent spot of the Firworks Fesitval in August.

-There are 808 bridges in Osaka

-Osaka is also known as the Merchant City, alot of trade is done by water.

-Osaka is the home of the Hanshin Tigers (baseball team)

-the city is also the headquarters of Yomiuri Television. In case you decide you want to watch some Japanese t.v while you are here.

-The biggest building in Osaka is the Umeda Sky Building, with the floating garden observatory on top (I hope to take you here on Thursday). You know, its only like 38 stories or something...no big deal.

-Signature Osaka food: Takoyaki (Octopus Balls) - which I will make you try when we go to Osaka Castle!!

Something interesting that I found:

"The population of Osaka Prefecture is 8,804,806 , or seven percent of the total population of Japan, ranking second after Tokyo Prefecture.
Osakans are especially famous among their fellow Japanese for their strong character. Osakans speak the Osaka dialect even when in Tokyo and tend to be easygoing anywhere. People tend to think of Osaka as a town of merchants, and one of the most famous exchange of phrases translates roughly as, “Have you been making any money? / Well, just getting by.” In one survey, Osaka ranked first among prefectures as a place whose image was described as very industrious. In addition, people tend to associate Osaka with lively, brignt images like “vigorous,” “cheerful and aggressive,” and “friendly.” Indeed, it is said that each prefecture in the Kansai area is blessed with its own unique characteristics, and comparisons of the residents of each prefecture reflect these wide differences."

-----

I am anticipating your visit more than you know. I can't wait to finally show people what my world looks like. Mostly because you will be able to see it with your eyes, walk on it's ground, smell it's air, and hear it's sound. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes...I hope this place will come alive for you, as it has for me.

being intentionally aimless...and managing to find something beautiful

I spent the last 2 days doing alot of walking. Perhaps the most I have ever done yet. I kind of re-discovered Osaka again. I walked in Dotonbori area, which is filled with equal amount of people and bright lights, and good shopping. The humidty is starting to come back again. I can remember when I first got here last August, and it seemed almost unbearable. But, I have yet to experience a full Osaka summer. And from what I have heard, it will be interesting. Up to 38 degrees or something. Nonetheless, it was good to wander the streets of this bright city again. Seeing bizarre people, interesting fashion, and street vendors yelling at you from various directions.

In the spirit of discovery, my second day off took me to Wakayama. A 1.5 hr train ride south of Osaka. Having really no idea what to expect, I took my camera, my journal and my music in my ears, and headed south on the JR. Perhaps one of the things I find most charming about this country are its train stations. Each with its own atmosphere and distinct character. Some more charming than others. While waiting in Tennoji station in Osaka, I had time to wait for my train. I had a chance to look at the windows, the platforms, the arriving trains, the surrounding cafes, the busy people, the small children. Not sure what intrigued me exactly. Everything was just in its place. And everyone had someplace to go.

The train ride to Wakayama is a journey into the country side. Lush valleys, some farm land, and hills as far as the eye can see. Once arriving in this city, many people hit the beach or visit some of the less advertized sight-seeing spots. I had a little trouble navigating myself at first, but I managed to find my way to the castle and to a mountain top temple, Kimiidera. My original plan was to hit the beach, but these other things captured me. I was struck by the more remote feeling of Wakayama. Fewer large buildings, friendlier people. One man even led me to my bus stop, and extended his arm to me.

I mostly took my time today, strolling and wandering aimlessly, studying the walls of this castle, and taking in the view from the top. It was a sunny and humid day. People play in a nearby park, and parents stroll with their kids.

Further down the road wasw Kimiidera. A temple nestled the mountainside. The temple peaks through the lush trees in the distance as I approach the base. I slowly make my way up the 230 stone steps, and look over my shoulder to keep checking the view of Wakayama. I'm greeted by various old wood structures, coloured curtains, lanterns and small pools of water. The smell of incense in the air. I'm not sure if there was anything that particularly struck me about this place, but the view behind me of the ocean made for a picturesque afternoon.

Somedays here, I love having no agenda. Not really sure of what I'm going to see. But, just to travel for the sake of traveling. Some days are truely breathtaking, and other are...well...just non-agendid (I think I just came up with this...) walks for the sake of exploring. I love that I can do that here. Sometimes, it just nice to have a train window to look out of, or to see people doing their grocery shopping or taking a stroll, or having my favorite songs playing in my ear. Maybe thats what today was about...being proactively aimless. I like that...

sail on silver girl...

I saw these children today on the train to work. It was so refreshing. Each with their little white hat and backpack. All 50 of them trying to keep their balance as the train made its way to Kita Senri. A few trying to catch a glimpse of the only foreigner in the train car. It was these children that made an impression on me today...

Today, as I put my new music in my ears, and new shoes on my feet, I was reminded that I am not the same me. As much as I feel like I have become comfortable with this country, there are always daily surprises, which has given me an ever present anticipation. I am being stretched, pulled, pushed, turned, held back, humbled, exposed, and moved. Just when I think that I have become a stronger person - more confident, more capable - I am reminded that my companionship with God is what gives me this strength. Somedays, I have felt my confidence has never been so high before. Then, and perhaps most importantly, when I begin to attribute this to myself, I trip. Quite literally actually. And I am reminded of my dependance on His character and not my own.

My theory is that when you travel, there is some sort of secret that is revealed to you. Some sort of wisdom or knowledge that touches your world and leaves its finger print. I don't know about any wisdom I have, but something has left its finger print in my life that will not be washed away. A beautiful finger print. I don't even know what it looks like exactly. I think somedays that my heart is trying to catch up with my head. I know the finger print is there. I catch glimpses of it sometimes: in the children on the subway, in the red of a torii gate, something in my student's faces, in the freshness of spring, in the hospitality extended to me by the Japanese, and the kindness of strangers in a train station. For me, the secrets of this country are profound, and yet so simple and even practical maybe. Maybe I will never even know how to articulate them or even make sense of them in my own heart.

I guess I will just continue to wake up in the morning, walk to the train station, and somehow collect myslef, and continually look for fingers prints along the way...

its all greek to me...

Today I was reminded, once again, why I love my job.

In the voice room, I was discussing with some of the students what it means to be a foreigner. Both my experience and their experience in travelling in other countries. I told them recently I have felt that when I see other foreigners like myself on the street or in a subway station, I feel as though I know them or I have seen them somewhere before. And I feel like I should acknowledge them with a smile or a nod. They spoke of similar experiences being in other countries, the feeling of familiarity with other Japanese. I told them, "I got to be honest guys, I have no idea how to tell the difference between Japanese, Koreans or the Chinese. In looks and in personality." One student promptly told me this difference:
When you walk on the street, and you pass by a Korean, they will smile back at you.
When you pass by the Chinese, they will give you a stern look.
When you plass by the Japanese, they will just look away as quickly as possible.

But, the students reminded me of another difference - the japanese are apparently more inclined to bow exponentially more than the Koreans and the Chinese. I will vouch for this - every where you go in this country, they bow and bow and bow. As you enter, as you exit, as you go to work, as you finish work. They said this is one of the most recognizable behavior patterns in Japan. And I just thought they all had back problems...

And of course, one student also mentioned the ever so recognizable "Japanese spirit." - you can just sense the person is Japanese. Their atmosphere is somehow different and more permeable. While standing in line at a public washroom once, this student claimed she had a Korean in front of her, and a Japanese behind her...the atmosphere was just "different" (apparently)

One student then told me that Koreans are in fact better dressers than the Japanese. More put together. "But...but" - he said,... perhaps the most identifiable difference between these groups: their smell. The Koreans apparently smell of kimchi and garlic. Its seeping from their pores. A doctor in my group mentioned that when a Korean patient walks into her clinic, she can immediately smell garlic in the air. So, of course, they must be Korean! Naturally.

I feel as though if I were to go back to Canada, and see a group of Asians, I might be able to scout out the differences...but, if someone bows to me, and has the faint smell of kimichi with a hint of garlic, and I'm concerned about their wardrobe choice...I may have no options, other than to consult my japanese spirit 6th sense - which I haven't tapped into yet...

"walk towards me. slip your hand in mine"

Today, I felt unusually happy. A strange sort of happy. The sun was shining. The air, warm. I got out of bed, made myself a cup of coffee, nothing really out of the ordinary. Two of my teacher friends stopped by the aparment, we had a visit. Knowing that I had to work overtime today, it didn't seem to bother me. My messy room somehow seemed to not pre-occupy my thoughts, like it normally does. The thoughts and feelings that usually creep in with the winter...are now absent. You can smell the freshness in the air.

Hello self. I've missed you.

Tonight as I was swimming laps at the pool after work, I was reminded that to this day, I still have very little knowledge of the social rules of this country. And somewhere inbetween this lack of knowledge, something has emerged. I have drawn no coherant conclusions about how people dress here, how they behave, nor have I found my lost change in the vending machine down the street, but I feel like I have found something more important...can I tell you what it is?

Can I?

A strange sort of companionship.

A Someone is saying to me, whispering to me, slip your hand in mine. I will take you. But wait, lets rest a while. Here. This is a good spot.
I'm being asked to take my time. To really take my time. Not to delay. But to consider, whatever it is that needs considering.

Since coming back from my visit home, I feel like I have entered a new season here. I'm ready to take on new things. To learn to things. I never thought that I would come to a point where I am ready to embrace whatever this country has for me. I thought before that coming to Japan meant reaching a goal and finishing something. I am not only learning to live in the grey...but I'm learning to embrace it...and to soak my feet in it. I've also learned that I'm actually really peculiar, I like crumbs, and I like sleeping with my feet outside the covers, and I like staying up late, trying to finish something or other.

I'm writing this edition somewhere inbetween today and tommorrow. Perhaps the best time.

So, I feel a strange sort of happy. You know that feeling you get, when you stretch in the morning...I mean...really stretch, and something in you turns on. This is the strange sort of happy I feel. Its the kind that I seemingly haven't allowed myself to feel before. Until now...

A while back a friend sent me this song, and the lyrics seemed to communicate something that I can't. Since coming back from Canada a few days ago, I've tried to do more walking, just for the sake of walking. I find myself somehow breathing deeper, not feeling so rushed and seeing things that I never noticed before...

Can't close my eyes
They're wide awake
Every hair on my body
has got a thing for this place
Oh empty my heart
I've got to make room for this feeling
so much bigger than me

It couldn't be any more beautiful - I can't take it in.

Weightless in love...unraveling
For all that's to come
and all that's ever been
We're back to the board
with every shade under the sun
Let's make it a good one

It couldn't be any more beautiful

the laughter and tears of the familiar.

So...here we are, futon...its you and me once again. I feel like I have missed you a little. I have a new computer for you to meet. I'm sure you two will become very good friends over the next while.

Futon, as I sit here at 6:30 in the morning, jet lagged, waiting to get ready for work, I must tell you that I have loved our times together over these last few months. I feel as though it was good for us to be apart this last week, to gain some perspective from each other. But, absence indeed makes the heart grow fonder. So, I guess I'm saying I have missed you. I think thats how I felt about visit home. I have grown to truely love where I come from. I has so good and refreshing to sit on a big comfy couch, to drive in a car with friends on an open road, with wheat fields in my view, and to laugh and cry with familiarity once again.

I thought coming back to you, futon, would be difficult or that I would feel torn between two places. Although I was in between tears on Tuesday to come back to Osaka, I felt it was ok. I felt like I was going to be ok. And after the long 9.5 hr flight, I stepped off that plane, gathered my things and made my way back to my apartment. This time, taking the bus. Travelling past Osaka's skyscrapers, the massive harbor, and seeing the city like it was my first time, only different now.

These last few months, I have been pre-occupied with change, wanting to see new things, experience new things. I forgot what a gift the familiar actually is. It renews us. Sustains us. Reminds us that we are normal. That we are loved.

So, futon, its just you and me once again. You are somehow softer than before.